Okay CPS Visits and Meetings...Updated...

So I haven't wrote on any of my cases for a little bit... so I decided it's about time to actually update about them. It's Crazy.

Braydens Daddy came to live with me to help me out, and be with me. He wanted a fresh start with me, and I trust him with all my heart. My mom loves him. But he was told he cannot stay with me until his background check is done. He was supposted to sleep in the truck until they got his background report back. Well a couple weeks pass, and we call there, get nothing back. So I decided I would let him stay in the house rather then where they wanted him outside in the cold. I know he's never been in trouble before.

Every visit to our house was good "your house is clean" but of course they would find at least one thing they would change. Of course...no surprise. So we had a meeting the 24th of January. Aaron decided he was going to go to it to hear how they talk to me. They love to call me a liar and put me down and tell me my mom doesn't want me near her. (in her state). So he sits down and the case worker asks "What do your parents think of you living down here" and he goes "They are supportive. But.." she cuts him off and calls him a liar and that she spoke to his stepmom and they had nothing nice to say about me or the situation. I have never met his dad or his dads side of the family so they cannot judge me based on what aaron may have said when we had our breakup. Anything bad on us, is good for child services.

So as the meeting continue we keep getting told that I'm on thin ice, that I will probably lose my kids, that I am in contempt of court for letting Aaron stay with me, that we are both liars. She even called aaron and I "a match made in heaven" and that he may be what makes me lose my children.

This poor guy moved across have the country to be with me, got a job 1 1/2 weeks after being here and has taken the role of daddy to my children. Neither of us do drugs (we both have to get drug tested by child services), we don't party and we both have a perfect background record. Yet they are hounding him horribly. Calling his family and trying to drag them in this when they have NOTHING to do with my children or myself. This case is about my two children that are NOT blood related to him at all.

Soooo after two hours of being lectured by child services, we got to go home. The next day the caseworker came to my house, and I tell her I wanted my parents to be at the next meeting. She gets all snippy and says "Well good lets make it next week then" I just tell her we need to give them time to come and she makes the day Feb. 7th. (Which is exactly one month before my main court date) then the case worker tells me... "I just hope it's not to late" meaning I would probably lose my kids.

You know what they tell me? (Of course not...haven't said yet hee hee) but she said... "It's not about your house, it's not about Brayden it's about your childrens supervision" honestly they started the case about my son, found out it was SIDS, so they switch to it's my house, they say it's not a danger to my children so they switch to it's my childrens supervision. They are trying to find ANY REASON to take my children away and that scares me. It's like I got a target on my back. They want my children no matter if they have to snoop and lie.

So my only hope now is that my mom can save me. She will be at this meeting then they can't say i'm lying because my mom will be there to say that she DOES want me to move to her state, that she wants me to keep my kids, and so on. I'm just scared........I am so scared and tired of living day by day with thoughts and dreams that it might actually be the last days with my children and I'm just counting down to dooms day...

Today's My Daughters Birthday

It's so much fun seeing my daughter get older, smarter, sweeter. Seeing her learn is the best feeling. Hearing her saying I love you. I love seeing her eyes light up with her gifts, eatting her cake and playing with her gifts. She's my everything.

But with every holiday I start getting sad because I'm scared it could be my last holiday with my kids. I can't imagine life without my kids. When I found out I was pregnant with Maddie, as young as I was I decided I wanted to keep her. When I had her I ran out and got a job, finished highschool with straight A's and tried to make myself better for my daughter. When I had my son, I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Having two children really shows you how much fun it is to be a parent. Seeing your children grow together and grow so attached. It makes your heart melt.

When I gave birth to Brayden, Madison was like a little mama. She loved being a big sister, wanted to show her baby brother how to do things. Though he was to little, she tried. Sean wasn't too sure on a baby so he didn't really go near Brayden. But Madison wanted to help anyway she could.

When I think that I might actually lose my kids it kills me. It feels like my heart is being ripped out. Without my kids I would feel empty. They are my everything. They are what make me try harder as a parent and person! They helped me grieve over Brayden. Having them with me made me feel so much better.

As March gets closer and what child services say to me (another blog) scare me that I might lose my kids. I'm so scared. March 7...I wish it would just never come :(

It makes you wonder...

It makes you wonder is the system ever really on your side? No matter how hard you try, they always will come up with something even if they have to lie, snoop and degrade you. They will find something on you. You can be like me, never been in trouble, not a drug user, single mother of three beautiful children and trying hard to make your childrens life easy. Making sure your kids are taken care of and they come first. Yet they will hurt those kind of parents the hardest.

You read about parents that live like slobs, beat their children, go out partying all day, do drugs in front of their children, yet child services is called on them and nothing happens to them. I have seen child services called on a lady that let her 2 year old daughter outside butt naked without any parents or supervision, and yet child services doesn't do anything about that.

I have known people that had meth labs in their homes and they had child services called on them and they still have their kids. Parents that do crack in front of their kids, and live in a home with nothing, moving place to place with nothing, sleeping in empty apartments with no electricity yet their children are still in their home.

Then you see me, actually trying to do everything for my children. I would NEVER imagine doing drugs or putting my children in harms way. I am careful who I choose to hang out with because in todays world you never really know who to trust, especially around children, yet they have me dangling from a leash telling me I will lose my children over the silliest things. Like not getting rid of my kitten that is so well behaved. They are wanting things from me and turning my world around.

I am finally happy having my sons father back in my life, yet they continue to harass me and try to make my life hard. They aren't happy to see me with someone. Though he has a perfect background record, has a history of great jobs, and a great father. They look at you like you are a liar, imperfection is what they look for, and make themselves sound like the perfect people in the world. We all have flaws, no matter who you are, you have flaws. It's human nature. NO parent is perfect, all we can do is try our best and learn from our mistakes.

I sit here writing this hoping to get some anger off my chest. Praying I will keep my kids and get to move and live a happy life and have the family and life I have always dreamed of. Nothing will bring back my baby boy, but he will never be gone from my mind or heart. I want to make the best for his brother and sister, and give them a life that I got as a child. It's just hard living day by day wondering "could today be my last day with my children"