How can they do this to people!!??

I sit here wondering how they can be so harsh and so wrong in so many ways.

Feb. 14, 2011 I am planning on getting married but first I have to get through my therapy appointment. So I got she talks as usually trying to pin things on me. "Borderline personality disorder, PTSD, Compulsive Liar, Impulsive personality." Then she says she has a paper I have to sign on the computer. I said I have to read it or I won't sign it. She tells me NO. I tell her then i'm not signing it so she reads off like 10 minutes of things I have to complete by 6 weeks. I say fine. Though some I disagree with. Such as I need to learn to grocery shop and how to cook. Which seems silly. So I sign the little pad and ask for a copy she's not happy I want a copy but oh well. I see the copy and she left out 2 pages of things against me she didn't read so I stop her walking down the hall, mad, with all the lies. She yells at me to get into the room and stands there SCREAMING at me 2 inchs away from my face and pointing her finger in my face. I told her I don't have unprotected sex, jump relationship to relationship, have panic attacks, and a few more. She tries arguing with me on some of these I tell her I think I would be the first one to know if I had any of these. So she revises a little bit of it and hands me a new copy.

 So I got married, it seemed like such a great day. Newly married to my sons father. He decided to go take a nap that afternoon after so little sleep. I decided to go take a bath with my children. We had only been home maybe 30 minutes when I hear a banging at the door. I yell for Aaron to go open the door and he does. It's the caseworker.

She's on the phone with the police to come to the house. She's ready to take my kids. Why you might ask? Because we didn't hear her knocking on the door she's outside taking photos of I guess a garbage bag a dog got into to show the side yard as a mess. Takes a photo of a pregnancy test of Braydens I had found and didn't want to lose, and some rolling tobacco (which she made the cop smell to make sure it wasn't a drug...seriously)

I'm crying my eyes out while she's outside calling the judge asking for an emergency removal of the children. She comes back in and tells us how lucky we are she went to a 3 hour class that day saying that children should stay in the parents home. (Which I think it's the judge saying no) so she lets me keep my kids after over an hour of toying with us, yelling at us, telling us what horrible parents we are. I was devistated. Before knowing I was going to keep them I was taking photos and videos of them to remember them. Sitting in the living room after taking them out of the bath getting them dressed to go...it broke my heart. Honestly how can you tell me I don't care about my kids. They are my life, they are what I live for.

So went to the Meeting

I actually made sure to record it to show my family how they degrade me. How they speak to Aaron and I. The whole meeting was about my mom, aaron and I.

Basically she starts off going "out of 17 things how many do you think you passed" I said well I know of two you said I didn't pass so I would say 14 or 15. Then she goes "Well lets go around the room and ask everyone for my amusement" 2 out of 5 people said they would have to review them. My parenting class lady said at least half, my therapist said NONE (meaning I passed NONE), and they didn't ask Aaron.

I failed 5. I got 12/17 that I passed. I am in contempt of court for

1. Letting Aaron stay with me before the background check came back (but I knew he would pass...he was a mailman, if he would have been in trouble he wouldn't be a mailman.)

2. For not having a job yet (but aaron got a job and I want to be a stay at home mom. His job covers ALL the bills plus extra left over)

3. For asking the one lady to not look in a room (which she did, I just knew it was messy.)

4. For missing a scheduled appointment (the lady said she would be there at 8:30 and she wasn't so I went to a friends house and at the meeting she lied and said she said 9:30 but we have her recorded saying 8:30)

5. For a messy house in the beginning (NOT RECENTLY. But messy being like some dirty dishes...but I have all the ladies coming by my house saying my house is clean, and that it's not about my house anymore. I record everything now.)

They want to take my kids. In the meeting they told me that I must be a bordler line personality disorder because I get defensive when I'm around them. OF COURSE I DO THEY WANT MY KIDS. And I jump relationship to relationship. I jumped in instantly and said "I have only been in 2 relationships in my life. I was single for a year waiting for my childs father and never even kissed another guy" I don't see how I am. I'm not impulsive like they seem to try to pin on me. I don't do drugs, I don't drink...

It's not looking good on my part honestly. Even though I try my best and I don't do anything wrong, they still want to make me look like the bad guy. I don't know what to do.

CPS shouldn't be on my case if there is no abuse or neglect suspected. My kids have never had anything broken or bruised (well besides the normal bruise of playing around kind of thing on their leg or something), my kids are always happy loving children, that they are getting an education, a loving supportive family, regular doctors visits, well dressed, tons of clothes and toys, daily baths, regular schedule, daily healthy meals 3 times a day plus healthy snacks, they learn sometime new everyday and very sweet smart children. Plus on top of that my bills are always on time and paid, we have extras like tv/net/phone that some people don't have, they have their own rooms...

Honestly in my opinion they are wasting their time on a person like me when there are actually children out there that need help. But they want to waste their time on me. If I was such a bad person like they try to make me sound would my kids really have everything they have or be loved like they are.

I hate seeing my daughter scared to get into a car because she thinks she might be taken away from me again. It killed me hearing my daughter screaming for me when I was walking to the car while aaron was putting her in the car. These people are doing more harm to my children then anything. Emotionally hurting my children.

So much for a lawyer...

Well I got super excited when I found out I was getting a real lawyer. My mom paid him money to come to my next meeting because of the weather. Which is what the meeting was about was to meet my family. But of course they can't come. But at least I had a lawyer...but because I had a court appointed lawyer he won't do anything unless he gets paid $1500. So in the whole 20 hours of time I had him as a lawyer...well I guess less then that about 8. He is only giving us back less then half of what we already paid him and won't come to the meeting. So now i'm scared to go to the meeting because I'll be alone. Without family, without a lawyer, without Aaron. This looks so bad on me since they are expecting a lawyer and my family...

My final courtdate where I keep my kids or not is coming to a close. I have 33 days left until court. It sounds like awhile. But it's not, knowing I could lose my kids. It hurts so bad. I love them, they are my life, I would do anything for my kids.