Monday, April 25, 2011
Goodbye to that Chaper of my Life
I'm glad to say they DROPPED my case. After 6 months of battling child services, they dropped my case. Of course I left the state, but the new state i'm in finally saw that I am not a bad mom, and we have a clean house. So my old state was left with dropping my case. It's such a stress that is out of my life. Out of my childrens life. Letting my son Brayden rest in peace. I can finally sit back and grieve over my son, spend time with my children, without having to think that each day could be my last.
Friday, February 18, 2011
How can they do this to people!!??
I sit here wondering how they can be so harsh and so wrong in so many ways.
Feb. 14, 2011 I am planning on getting married but first I have to get through my therapy appointment. So I got she talks as usually trying to pin things on me. "Borderline personality disorder, PTSD, Compulsive Liar, Impulsive personality." Then she says she has a paper I have to sign on the computer. I said I have to read it or I won't sign it. She tells me NO. I tell her then i'm not signing it so she reads off like 10 minutes of things I have to complete by 6 weeks. I say fine. Though some I disagree with. Such as I need to learn to grocery shop and how to cook. Which seems silly. So I sign the little pad and ask for a copy she's not happy I want a copy but oh well. I see the copy and she left out 2 pages of things against me she didn't read so I stop her walking down the hall, mad, with all the lies. She yells at me to get into the room and stands there SCREAMING at me 2 inchs away from my face and pointing her finger in my face. I told her I don't have unprotected sex, jump relationship to relationship, have panic attacks, and a few more. She tries arguing with me on some of these I tell her I think I would be the first one to know if I had any of these. So she revises a little bit of it and hands me a new copy.
So I got married, it seemed like such a great day. Newly married to my sons father. He decided to go take a nap that afternoon after so little sleep. I decided to go take a bath with my children. We had only been home maybe 30 minutes when I hear a banging at the door. I yell for Aaron to go open the door and he does. It's the caseworker.
She's on the phone with the police to come to the house. She's ready to take my kids. Why you might ask? Because we didn't hear her knocking on the door she's outside taking photos of I guess a garbage bag a dog got into to show the side yard as a mess. Takes a photo of a pregnancy test of Braydens I had found and didn't want to lose, and some rolling tobacco (which she made the cop smell to make sure it wasn't a drug...seriously)
I'm crying my eyes out while she's outside calling the judge asking for an emergency removal of the children. She comes back in and tells us how lucky we are she went to a 3 hour class that day saying that children should stay in the parents home. (Which I think it's the judge saying no) so she lets me keep my kids after over an hour of toying with us, yelling at us, telling us what horrible parents we are. I was devistated. Before knowing I was going to keep them I was taking photos and videos of them to remember them. Sitting in the living room after taking them out of the bath getting them dressed to go...it broke my heart. Honestly how can you tell me I don't care about my kids. They are my life, they are what I live for.
Feb. 14, 2011 I am planning on getting married but first I have to get through my therapy appointment. So I got she talks as usually trying to pin things on me. "Borderline personality disorder, PTSD, Compulsive Liar, Impulsive personality." Then she says she has a paper I have to sign on the computer. I said I have to read it or I won't sign it. She tells me NO. I tell her then i'm not signing it so she reads off like 10 minutes of things I have to complete by 6 weeks. I say fine. Though some I disagree with. Such as I need to learn to grocery shop and how to cook. Which seems silly. So I sign the little pad and ask for a copy she's not happy I want a copy but oh well. I see the copy and she left out 2 pages of things against me she didn't read so I stop her walking down the hall, mad, with all the lies. She yells at me to get into the room and stands there SCREAMING at me 2 inchs away from my face and pointing her finger in my face. I told her I don't have unprotected sex, jump relationship to relationship, have panic attacks, and a few more. She tries arguing with me on some of these I tell her I think I would be the first one to know if I had any of these. So she revises a little bit of it and hands me a new copy.
So I got married, it seemed like such a great day. Newly married to my sons father. He decided to go take a nap that afternoon after so little sleep. I decided to go take a bath with my children. We had only been home maybe 30 minutes when I hear a banging at the door. I yell for Aaron to go open the door and he does. It's the caseworker.
She's on the phone with the police to come to the house. She's ready to take my kids. Why you might ask? Because we didn't hear her knocking on the door she's outside taking photos of I guess a garbage bag a dog got into to show the side yard as a mess. Takes a photo of a pregnancy test of Braydens I had found and didn't want to lose, and some rolling tobacco (which she made the cop smell to make sure it wasn't a drug...seriously)
I'm crying my eyes out while she's outside calling the judge asking for an emergency removal of the children. She comes back in and tells us how lucky we are she went to a 3 hour class that day saying that children should stay in the parents home. (Which I think it's the judge saying no) so she lets me keep my kids after over an hour of toying with us, yelling at us, telling us what horrible parents we are. I was devistated. Before knowing I was going to keep them I was taking photos and videos of them to remember them. Sitting in the living room after taking them out of the bath getting them dressed to go...it broke my heart. Honestly how can you tell me I don't care about my kids. They are my life, they are what I live for.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
So went to the Meeting
I actually made sure to record it to show my family how they degrade me. How they speak to Aaron and I. The whole meeting was about my mom, aaron and I.
Basically she starts off going "out of 17 things how many do you think you passed" I said well I know of two you said I didn't pass so I would say 14 or 15. Then she goes "Well lets go around the room and ask everyone for my amusement" 2 out of 5 people said they would have to review them. My parenting class lady said at least half, my therapist said NONE (meaning I passed NONE), and they didn't ask Aaron.
I failed 5. I got 12/17 that I passed. I am in contempt of court for
1. Letting Aaron stay with me before the background check came back (but I knew he would pass...he was a mailman, if he would have been in trouble he wouldn't be a mailman.)
2. For not having a job yet (but aaron got a job and I want to be a stay at home mom. His job covers ALL the bills plus extra left over)
3. For asking the one lady to not look in a room (which she did, I just knew it was messy.)
4. For missing a scheduled appointment (the lady said she would be there at 8:30 and she wasn't so I went to a friends house and at the meeting she lied and said she said 9:30 but we have her recorded saying 8:30)
5. For a messy house in the beginning (NOT RECENTLY. But messy being like some dirty dishes...but I have all the ladies coming by my house saying my house is clean, and that it's not about my house anymore. I record everything now.)
They want to take my kids. In the meeting they told me that I must be a bordler line personality disorder because I get defensive when I'm around them. OF COURSE I DO THEY WANT MY KIDS. And I jump relationship to relationship. I jumped in instantly and said "I have only been in 2 relationships in my life. I was single for a year waiting for my childs father and never even kissed another guy" I don't see how I am. I'm not impulsive like they seem to try to pin on me. I don't do drugs, I don't drink...
It's not looking good on my part honestly. Even though I try my best and I don't do anything wrong, they still want to make me look like the bad guy. I don't know what to do.
CPS shouldn't be on my case if there is no abuse or neglect suspected. My kids have never had anything broken or bruised (well besides the normal bruise of playing around kind of thing on their leg or something), my kids are always happy loving children, that they are getting an education, a loving supportive family, regular doctors visits, well dressed, tons of clothes and toys, daily baths, regular schedule, daily healthy meals 3 times a day plus healthy snacks, they learn sometime new everyday and very sweet smart children. Plus on top of that my bills are always on time and paid, we have extras like tv/net/phone that some people don't have, they have their own rooms...
Honestly in my opinion they are wasting their time on a person like me when there are actually children out there that need help. But they want to waste their time on me. If I was such a bad person like they try to make me sound would my kids really have everything they have or be loved like they are.
I hate seeing my daughter scared to get into a car because she thinks she might be taken away from me again. It killed me hearing my daughter screaming for me when I was walking to the car while aaron was putting her in the car. These people are doing more harm to my children then anything. Emotionally hurting my children.
Basically she starts off going "out of 17 things how many do you think you passed" I said well I know of two you said I didn't pass so I would say 14 or 15. Then she goes "Well lets go around the room and ask everyone for my amusement" 2 out of 5 people said they would have to review them. My parenting class lady said at least half, my therapist said NONE (meaning I passed NONE), and they didn't ask Aaron.
I failed 5. I got 12/17 that I passed. I am in contempt of court for
1. Letting Aaron stay with me before the background check came back (but I knew he would pass...he was a mailman, if he would have been in trouble he wouldn't be a mailman.)
2. For not having a job yet (but aaron got a job and I want to be a stay at home mom. His job covers ALL the bills plus extra left over)
3. For asking the one lady to not look in a room (which she did, I just knew it was messy.)
4. For missing a scheduled appointment (the lady said she would be there at 8:30 and she wasn't so I went to a friends house and at the meeting she lied and said she said 9:30 but we have her recorded saying 8:30)
5. For a messy house in the beginning (NOT RECENTLY. But messy being like some dirty dishes...but I have all the ladies coming by my house saying my house is clean, and that it's not about my house anymore. I record everything now.)
They want to take my kids. In the meeting they told me that I must be a bordler line personality disorder because I get defensive when I'm around them. OF COURSE I DO THEY WANT MY KIDS. And I jump relationship to relationship. I jumped in instantly and said "I have only been in 2 relationships in my life. I was single for a year waiting for my childs father and never even kissed another guy" I don't see how I am. I'm not impulsive like they seem to try to pin on me. I don't do drugs, I don't drink...
It's not looking good on my part honestly. Even though I try my best and I don't do anything wrong, they still want to make me look like the bad guy. I don't know what to do.
CPS shouldn't be on my case if there is no abuse or neglect suspected. My kids have never had anything broken or bruised (well besides the normal bruise of playing around kind of thing on their leg or something), my kids are always happy loving children, that they are getting an education, a loving supportive family, regular doctors visits, well dressed, tons of clothes and toys, daily baths, regular schedule, daily healthy meals 3 times a day plus healthy snacks, they learn sometime new everyday and very sweet smart children. Plus on top of that my bills are always on time and paid, we have extras like tv/net/phone that some people don't have, they have their own rooms...
Honestly in my opinion they are wasting their time on a person like me when there are actually children out there that need help. But they want to waste their time on me. If I was such a bad person like they try to make me sound would my kids really have everything they have or be loved like they are.
I hate seeing my daughter scared to get into a car because she thinks she might be taken away from me again. It killed me hearing my daughter screaming for me when I was walking to the car while aaron was putting her in the car. These people are doing more harm to my children then anything. Emotionally hurting my children.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
So much for a lawyer...
Well I got super excited when I found out I was getting a real lawyer. My mom paid him money to come to my next meeting because of the weather. Which is what the meeting was about was to meet my family. But of course they can't come. But at least I had a lawyer...but because I had a court appointed lawyer he won't do anything unless he gets paid $1500. So in the whole 20 hours of time I had him as a lawyer...well I guess less then that about 8. He is only giving us back less then half of what we already paid him and won't come to the meeting. So now i'm scared to go to the meeting because I'll be alone. Without family, without a lawyer, without Aaron. This looks so bad on me since they are expecting a lawyer and my family...
My final courtdate where I keep my kids or not is coming to a close. I have 33 days left until court. It sounds like awhile. But it's not, knowing I could lose my kids. It hurts so bad. I love them, they are my life, I would do anything for my kids.
My final courtdate where I keep my kids or not is coming to a close. I have 33 days left until court. It sounds like awhile. But it's not, knowing I could lose my kids. It hurts so bad. I love them, they are my life, I would do anything for my kids.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Okay CPS Visits and Meetings...Updated...
So I haven't wrote on any of my cases for a little bit... so I decided it's about time to actually update about them. It's Crazy.
Braydens Daddy came to live with me to help me out, and be with me. He wanted a fresh start with me, and I trust him with all my heart. My mom loves him. But he was told he cannot stay with me until his background check is done. He was supposted to sleep in the truck until they got his background report back. Well a couple weeks pass, and we call there, get nothing back. So I decided I would let him stay in the house rather then where they wanted him outside in the cold. I know he's never been in trouble before.
Every visit to our house was good "your house is clean" but of course they would find at least one thing they would change. Of course...no surprise. So we had a meeting the 24th of January. Aaron decided he was going to go to it to hear how they talk to me. They love to call me a liar and put me down and tell me my mom doesn't want me near her. (in her state). So he sits down and the case worker asks "What do your parents think of you living down here" and he goes "They are supportive. But.." she cuts him off and calls him a liar and that she spoke to his stepmom and they had nothing nice to say about me or the situation. I have never met his dad or his dads side of the family so they cannot judge me based on what aaron may have said when we had our breakup. Anything bad on us, is good for child services.
So as the meeting continue we keep getting told that I'm on thin ice, that I will probably lose my kids, that I am in contempt of court for letting Aaron stay with me, that we are both liars. She even called aaron and I "a match made in heaven" and that he may be what makes me lose my children.
This poor guy moved across have the country to be with me, got a job 1 1/2 weeks after being here and has taken the role of daddy to my children. Neither of us do drugs (we both have to get drug tested by child services), we don't party and we both have a perfect background record. Yet they are hounding him horribly. Calling his family and trying to drag them in this when they have NOTHING to do with my children or myself. This case is about my two children that are NOT blood related to him at all.
Soooo after two hours of being lectured by child services, we got to go home. The next day the caseworker came to my house, and I tell her I wanted my parents to be at the next meeting. She gets all snippy and says "Well good lets make it next week then" I just tell her we need to give them time to come and she makes the day Feb. 7th. (Which is exactly one month before my main court date) then the case worker tells me... "I just hope it's not to late" meaning I would probably lose my kids.
You know what they tell me? (Of course not...haven't said yet hee hee) but she said... "It's not about your house, it's not about Brayden it's about your childrens supervision" honestly they started the case about my son, found out it was SIDS, so they switch to it's my house, they say it's not a danger to my children so they switch to it's my childrens supervision. They are trying to find ANY REASON to take my children away and that scares me. It's like I got a target on my back. They want my children no matter if they have to snoop and lie.
So my only hope now is that my mom can save me. She will be at this meeting then they can't say i'm lying because my mom will be there to say that she DOES want me to move to her state, that she wants me to keep my kids, and so on. I'm just scared........I am so scared and tired of living day by day with thoughts and dreams that it might actually be the last days with my children and I'm just counting down to dooms day...
Braydens Daddy came to live with me to help me out, and be with me. He wanted a fresh start with me, and I trust him with all my heart. My mom loves him. But he was told he cannot stay with me until his background check is done. He was supposted to sleep in the truck until they got his background report back. Well a couple weeks pass, and we call there, get nothing back. So I decided I would let him stay in the house rather then where they wanted him outside in the cold. I know he's never been in trouble before.
Every visit to our house was good "your house is clean" but of course they would find at least one thing they would change. Of course...no surprise. So we had a meeting the 24th of January. Aaron decided he was going to go to it to hear how they talk to me. They love to call me a liar and put me down and tell me my mom doesn't want me near her. (in her state). So he sits down and the case worker asks "What do your parents think of you living down here" and he goes "They are supportive. But.." she cuts him off and calls him a liar and that she spoke to his stepmom and they had nothing nice to say about me or the situation. I have never met his dad or his dads side of the family so they cannot judge me based on what aaron may have said when we had our breakup. Anything bad on us, is good for child services.
So as the meeting continue we keep getting told that I'm on thin ice, that I will probably lose my kids, that I am in contempt of court for letting Aaron stay with me, that we are both liars. She even called aaron and I "a match made in heaven" and that he may be what makes me lose my children.
This poor guy moved across have the country to be with me, got a job 1 1/2 weeks after being here and has taken the role of daddy to my children. Neither of us do drugs (we both have to get drug tested by child services), we don't party and we both have a perfect background record. Yet they are hounding him horribly. Calling his family and trying to drag them in this when they have NOTHING to do with my children or myself. This case is about my two children that are NOT blood related to him at all.
Soooo after two hours of being lectured by child services, we got to go home. The next day the caseworker came to my house, and I tell her I wanted my parents to be at the next meeting. She gets all snippy and says "Well good lets make it next week then" I just tell her we need to give them time to come and she makes the day Feb. 7th. (Which is exactly one month before my main court date) then the case worker tells me... "I just hope it's not to late" meaning I would probably lose my kids.
You know what they tell me? (Of course not...haven't said yet hee hee) but she said... "It's not about your house, it's not about Brayden it's about your childrens supervision" honestly they started the case about my son, found out it was SIDS, so they switch to it's my house, they say it's not a danger to my children so they switch to it's my childrens supervision. They are trying to find ANY REASON to take my children away and that scares me. It's like I got a target on my back. They want my children no matter if they have to snoop and lie.
So my only hope now is that my mom can save me. She will be at this meeting then they can't say i'm lying because my mom will be there to say that she DOES want me to move to her state, that she wants me to keep my kids, and so on. I'm just scared........I am so scared and tired of living day by day with thoughts and dreams that it might actually be the last days with my children and I'm just counting down to dooms day...
Today's My Daughters Birthday
It's so much fun seeing my daughter get older, smarter, sweeter. Seeing her learn is the best feeling. Hearing her saying I love you. I love seeing her eyes light up with her gifts, eatting her cake and playing with her gifts. She's my everything.
But with every holiday I start getting sad because I'm scared it could be my last holiday with my kids. I can't imagine life without my kids. When I found out I was pregnant with Maddie, as young as I was I decided I wanted to keep her. When I had her I ran out and got a job, finished highschool with straight A's and tried to make myself better for my daughter. When I had my son, I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Having two children really shows you how much fun it is to be a parent. Seeing your children grow together and grow so attached. It makes your heart melt.
When I gave birth to Brayden, Madison was like a little mama. She loved being a big sister, wanted to show her baby brother how to do things. Though he was to little, she tried. Sean wasn't too sure on a baby so he didn't really go near Brayden. But Madison wanted to help anyway she could.
When I think that I might actually lose my kids it kills me. It feels like my heart is being ripped out. Without my kids I would feel empty. They are my everything. They are what make me try harder as a parent and person! They helped me grieve over Brayden. Having them with me made me feel so much better.
Monday, January 24, 2011
It makes you wonder...
It makes you wonder is the system ever really on your side? No matter how hard you try, they always will come up with something even if they have to lie, snoop and degrade you. They will find something on you. You can be like me, never been in trouble, not a drug user, single mother of three beautiful children and trying hard to make your childrens life easy. Making sure your kids are taken care of and they come first. Yet they will hurt those kind of parents the hardest.
You read about parents that live like slobs, beat their children, go out partying all day, do drugs in front of their children, yet child services is called on them and nothing happens to them. I have seen child services called on a lady that let her 2 year old daughter outside butt naked without any parents or supervision, and yet child services doesn't do anything about that.
I have known people that had meth labs in their homes and they had child services called on them and they still have their kids. Parents that do crack in front of their kids, and live in a home with nothing, moving place to place with nothing, sleeping in empty apartments with no electricity yet their children are still in their home.
Then you see me, actually trying to do everything for my children. I would NEVER imagine doing drugs or putting my children in harms way. I am careful who I choose to hang out with because in todays world you never really know who to trust, especially around children, yet they have me dangling from a leash telling me I will lose my children over the silliest things. Like not getting rid of my kitten that is so well behaved. They are wanting things from me and turning my world around.
I am finally happy having my sons father back in my life, yet they continue to harass me and try to make my life hard. They aren't happy to see me with someone. Though he has a perfect background record, has a history of great jobs, and a great father. They look at you like you are a liar, imperfection is what they look for, and make themselves sound like the perfect people in the world. We all have flaws, no matter who you are, you have flaws. It's human nature. NO parent is perfect, all we can do is try our best and learn from our mistakes.
I sit here writing this hoping to get some anger off my chest. Praying I will keep my kids and get to move and live a happy life and have the family and life I have always dreamed of. Nothing will bring back my baby boy, but he will never be gone from my mind or heart. I want to make the best for his brother and sister, and give them a life that I got as a child. It's just hard living day by day wondering "could today be my last day with my children"
You read about parents that live like slobs, beat their children, go out partying all day, do drugs in front of their children, yet child services is called on them and nothing happens to them. I have seen child services called on a lady that let her 2 year old daughter outside butt naked without any parents or supervision, and yet child services doesn't do anything about that.
I have known people that had meth labs in their homes and they had child services called on them and they still have their kids. Parents that do crack in front of their kids, and live in a home with nothing, moving place to place with nothing, sleeping in empty apartments with no electricity yet their children are still in their home.
Then you see me, actually trying to do everything for my children. I would NEVER imagine doing drugs or putting my children in harms way. I am careful who I choose to hang out with because in todays world you never really know who to trust, especially around children, yet they have me dangling from a leash telling me I will lose my children over the silliest things. Like not getting rid of my kitten that is so well behaved. They are wanting things from me and turning my world around.
I am finally happy having my sons father back in my life, yet they continue to harass me and try to make my life hard. They aren't happy to see me with someone. Though he has a perfect background record, has a history of great jobs, and a great father. They look at you like you are a liar, imperfection is what they look for, and make themselves sound like the perfect people in the world. We all have flaws, no matter who you are, you have flaws. It's human nature. NO parent is perfect, all we can do is try our best and learn from our mistakes.
I sit here writing this hoping to get some anger off my chest. Praying I will keep my kids and get to move and live a happy life and have the family and life I have always dreamed of. Nothing will bring back my baby boy, but he will never be gone from my mind or heart. I want to make the best for his brother and sister, and give them a life that I got as a child. It's just hard living day by day wondering "could today be my last day with my children"
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